Husband at the bar: "I used to have a speech impediment but we got divorced."
Source: The Lockhorns, a cartoon
Contributed by: Zaady
Marriage counselor to husband & wife: "The problem, as I see it, is communication. You'll have to find a way to avoid it"
Husband to his wife at the dinner table: "Well, at least now we know what your specialty isn't."
Husband at the bar: "Loretta's losing five pounds a week on her new diet. I figure I'll be rid of her completrely in about ten months."
Husband to his wife: "You could lose a lot of weight if you'd just carry all your diet books around the block once a day."
I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
Husband to his wife: "Do I want dinner? Is this a trick question?"
Husband to his wife in the living room of friends: "We really have to be going. That casserole you served made us sick."
Husband to his wife: "You think I'm right? . . . Maybe I'd better rephrase that."
Husband to his wife: "I know you've been a model wife, but it's been a long time since your model was popular."
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