Art Buchwald

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I advise you not to wait for ten years before admitting yesterday was great. If you're hung up on nosalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

If you attack the establishment long and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The best things in life aren't things

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man does not drive, there is something wrong with him.

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.