WIT, n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
Source: The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
Contributed by: Zaady
WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
WITTICISM, n. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted, and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a "joke."
WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
WORMS'-MEAT, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material.
WEDDING, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.
WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned.
VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.
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