Once a month, I meet with eight of my closest friends. We are more than just friends. We know everything about each other, and we coach each other on living big. Lauren is the one who directs the meetings, and the work we do is based on the method of life coaching she developed called “The Handel Method.” I have been coached by her for about six years now.
Last night, we had our monthly meeting. The first thing we do is give updates on our lives since the last time we saw each other. I had a miscarriage last month, and it was the first time I had seen them since. They all knew of course, but it’s different when you see your friends face to face and share how you feel instead of over an e-mail or text.
So when it was my turn, I shared my heart out. I shared my disappointment and that I was going to try again. Lauren suggested I was not believing and I was scared and mad. She was right. She suggested I write down all of the thoughts — the bad and the ugly — I have been having. Until I really can accept the truth of how I am feeling, I will not be able to get to the other side. I will not be able to believe in my dream if I am believing in my fears. I had been believing in my fears. If I wasn’t believing in my fears, I wouldn’t be so upset.
So I shared that I am scared I will not get pregnant, that I am too old and that it will never happen. That I am so upset I have to do it again, and I just want it NOW! I don’t want to wait anymore. Everyone else around me is pregnant, and it’s not fair I’m still not pregnant. I am scared that I am not going to have my dream of being pregnant, and although adopting is a beautiful thing to do, it is not what I want! I want to be pregnant, and I want it NOW!
How to disempower negative thoughts
The real work here is getting myself to believe. I think the way to believing is telling the whole truth about the negative thoughts we are having instead of tucking them away and putting a smile over them. It won’t work because if we are hiding them, it is because we are believing them, and we don’t want to acknowledge them. Bringing them to the light and sharing them and saying them out loud helps to disempower them.
So I shared my fears out loud with my loving beautiful class this morning, and I just told the truth. Then we did intenSati, and I am in a different place now!
The lesson is that we take our thoughts so seriously, and when we have fears, we often try to stuff them away or ignore them. The problem with that is when we ignore them or stuff them away, they get louder and bigger. If instead we look at them, say them out loud and question them, they lose their strength. It is like pulling the weeds in the garden before you plant the flowers.
Don’t be afraid of your true feelings. Tell the truth and then you can move on. Learning to really believe is a deep spiritual practice, and sometimes we need a little help from our friends.
If you are upset and feeling sorry for yourself, write down all of your negative thoughts and worries and get them all on paper. Tell the whole truth, and then you will not be so afraid of them, and they will not feel so real to you anymore.
2 exercises to help you believe in your dreams
Here are two lower body intenSati exercises to help you make this shift:
1. “I have the power to choose.”
- Say out loud: “I have the power.” Take the right foot and step sideways to a lateral lunge, place the right hand on your right thigh, and touch the floor with your left hand (option two: place both hands on your right thigh), to the pose of POWER.
- Say out loud: “To choose.” Push off the right foot to a single leg balance, placing the right foot by the left knee. Link your palms in front of the heart in the “choose” hand mudra, to the pose of CHOOSE.
Now put these two moves together. Say aloud, “I have the power to choose,” for one minute on the right. Switch sides and say aloud for one minute on the left.
2. “To believe in my dreams.”
- Say aloud: “To believe.” Step the right foot behind you to an extended rear cross lunge, keeping the hips square to the front. Scoop the right arm down toward the ground and up toward the ceiling, to the pose of BEAUTY.
- Say aloud: “In my dreams.” Rise to standing, sliding the right foot back to feet together, and reach the right arm high up to the ceiling and making a fist, now bend your elbow, so your your fist is by your shoulder, to the pose of CONFIDENCE.
Now put these two moves together. Say aloud, “to believe in my dreams,” for one minute on the right. Switch sides and say aloud for one minute on the left.
Combine both exercises
Put the whole exercise together on the right side for one minute and say, “I have the power to choose to believe in my dreams,” and then for one minute on the left.
Alternate sides for three to five minutes. Finish by placing your hands over your heart and closing your eyes.
Notice when you are giving up your happiness for complaining, worrying and whining about things that you have no control over. Instead practice self control and choose a better, more productive thought. What you sow is what you reap. What are you giving your attention to these days? Choose to believe in your dreams!
Keep the faith!