How Do You Know if He’s the ONE?

Arielle Ford by Arielle Ford | February 12th, 2009 | 1 Comment
topic: Relationships

How to know if he’s The One

Dear Arielle and Brian,

I have been in a relationship for nearly five years. I feel very safe, comfortable and care deeply for this person. He loves me unconditionally and he is there for me more than anyone I have ever been with. The problem is that I don’t feel like he is my “soul mate.” How do I know if he is the ONE?



Dear Virginia,

First of all Virginia, we would like to take this moment to really honor what you’ve manifested in your relationship over the last five years with your partner. Those wonderful attributes of safety and comfort are extremely nourishing and extremely rewarding. And for you to care for somebody as much as you do and to have somebody LOVE you unconditionally are a blessing and certainly a solid foundation for a LOVING relationship.

How do I know if he is the ONE? To help you with this question, we ask you to please shift your attention and feelings to your heart regarding yourself and your partner. If it helps focus your breath and the experience of something or someone you feel infinite love for into your heart for 10 seconds or so — and then send that love, care and appreciation to yourself and your partner (The Institute of HeartMath refers to this effective technique as Heart Lock-ins). This will add buoyancy and regenerative energy to your entire system as well as to allow you to get in touch with a perspective of greater clarity and expanded awareness.

Now, if you’re comfortable, please look and “feel into” your partner as “Soul” or what some might refer to as “essence.” With this deeper recognition we have a unique opportunity to realize (and feel) that our relationship can potentially be unconditional and limitless. Connecting with each other’s Soul or essence gives us the sacred opportunity to reveal our deeper selves and therefore communicate our deepest fears and insecurities to each other.

Communicating those vulnerabilities from our hearts feeds us, supports us and nurtures our ability to love our partners and ourselves more than we ever imagined. It will also help you (with honesty and courage) to look at the possibility that you have projected your own fears, judgments and unfair demands and expectations onto the relationship. If you have found this to be true, please be easy and gentle with yourself. But use that reservoir of love you have been building up through your Heart Lock-ins and direct that frequency of love to dissolve those energies around your fears and anxieties as well as “take out” some of the significance of those judgments and any feelings of anger and despair if that might be weighing you down. You might begin to see the issues and dynamics impacting your relationship in a different light, and therefore respond quite differently to each interaction or potential conflict in your relationship. There is a good chance you could even see your partner in an entirely different light as well — maybe even as THE ONE!!!!

Virginia, Romantic Soul Love is the doorway through which we can become bigger — our lives, our laughter, and most definitely the LOVE the two of you will share. But wherever this sacred journey takes you, we only wish for you Big, Big Love. Every once in a while, take your wonderful guy by the hand and let loose with some big FUN — maybe dancing under the stars or taking a walk in the rain — however daring you want to be, just hold onto each other’s hands and dive into the infinite “Ocean of Love and Mercy” with this beautiful guy and commit to open up your heart a little more every step of the way and see what happens!!! Something in the process might just shift and you could find yourself in the grips of “BIG LOVE.”

Arielle & Brian

Email your questions about life, love and relationships to Arielle & Brian at

Read more from Arielle Ford on — content and community for who you aspire to be — personally, socially and globally. Arielle Ford, Brian Hilliard, the Big Love column and its publishers assume no responsibility for any consequence relating directly or indirectly to any action or inaction you take based on the information, services or other material related to this column.


  1. [...] more than one person as a potential soulmate? The bottom line here is: How am I going to know who is the one? Any advice is greatly [...]

Post a Comment

If you want to show your picture with your comment, go get a gravatar!