Can you believe it? We’re already halfway into February! I have been getting calls for counseling requests around relationships; Valentine woes and deep feelings of aloneness. I even got a Facebook message from a man challenged with his life choices and loss of love. I am very clear that every person on this planet wants to love and be loved. We all want to feel special, be seen and acknowledged for the beautiful beings that we are. So why is it so hard to “find” love?
As I responded to the calls and requests, I asked each of them how they were doing with self-love and self-care. The overwhelming response was “not good.”
That led me to think about how challenging it is to truly love ourselves. So many of us look for love anywhere and everywhere except in our own hearts. Sometimes that looking creates non-supportive relationships. We know intellectually that we need to love ourselves first, but we are convinced, internally, that if we get it from outside life will be good. The interesting thing about that belief is that all people have character flaws and moments of being unconscious. When we put all of our dreams of love and validation into the hands of another person, disappointment often arrives. It can look like betrayal, inconsiderate behavior, a lack of interest or emotional misconduct. We take these actions on as “wounds” and begin to create beliefs about our unworthiness or inability to attract love.
Here is what I would like you to think about:
- Are you treating yourself the way you want others to treat you?
- Are you honoring and respecting yourself and asking others to do the same?
- Are you caring for your body temple and presenting your best self every time that you leave your house?
- Are you being the love that you desire?
I remember going to a spiritual counselor and sharing my sadness of not having a soulmate. The counselor listened for awhile and then he said, “You keep giving yourself away to people who do not deserve you because you do not believe you deserve to be fully loved.” That was a big “a-ha” moment for me. In fact, I used it as a contemplation in my meditation practice. What came to me was that I had to be to and for myself what I wanted from others. I invite you to ponder the same idea for yourself: What would your life be like if you loved yourself so deeply that the world had no choice but to love you back?
Please affirm with me: Today, I activate a willingness to fall deeply, madly and passionately in love with myself.