Cutting the Cords to Past Relationships

Arielle Ford by Arielle Ford | February 23rd, 2011 | 9 Comments
topic: Personal Growth, Relationships

Cut the cord to your past relationshipDear Arielle and Brian,

During the past year I have done many of your suggested soulmate manifestation exercises, however, I still haven’t been able to emotionally pull the cord from my past relationship with Doug. We dated for a few months and then transitioned to just “good friends” because I’m not physically attracted to him and no longer wanted to be physically intimate with him. I care deeply for him and truly enjoy our time together as friends. I feel my heart is very connected to his but I can’t seem to resolve this past relationship and move on in peace. If you have any advice I would appreciate it!

Thank you,


Dear Katie,

It sounds like you have strongly bonded to Doug, most likely a result of both your close heart connection and the release of oxytocin in your brain during the times you two made love. Oxytocin is the “bonding hormone,” and in your case it sounds like you have formed a deeper connection than you meant to. According to Dr. Helen Fisher, one of the world’s leading biological anthropologists studying love and sex, this can be seen as a type of addiction and very difficult to overcome. You may want to take a “break” from your friendship with Doug for a while to unplug from the connection. Sometimes the daily exposure continues to reinforce the connection, making it harder and harder for you to make room in your life for someone new.

Whenever we are intimate with another, we leave energetic cords in and on each other. Cutting these cords will be an important next step. You can do this in several ways, including working with a professional energy healer or by taking a salt bath: Fill your tub with warm water and an entire container of table salt (not Epsom salt). Soak for 15-20 minutes and then as the water is draining out of the tub, continue to sit there and with your imagination see all the energetic cords from your past lovers going down the drain.  Then stand up and take a long, hot, sudsy shower and shampoo your hair.

If you continue to find yourself thinking about him obsessively, you might consider finding a therapist or a coach to work with.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle & Brian

Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with The Law of Attraction and her husband Brian Hilliard, a business consultant, answer your questions about life, love and relationships. They believe that whether you are eighteen or eighty years old, finding Big Love is always possible. Email your questions to:

Disclaimer: Arielle Ford, Brian Hilliard, the Big Love column and its publishers assume no responsibility for any consequence relating directly or indirectly to any action or inaction you take based on the information, services or other material related to this column.


  1. Oh Katie, if I could I would give you a hug, take you out for a cup of tea and then gently shake you.

    When you’re intimate with someone, it is really REALLY hard to transition into a platonic friendship. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a few weeks or a few years, Arielle is right on when she says to “unplug” from Doug for a bit to allow your brain, hormones, etc. to reset and give your psyche a chance to resume life without his presence.

    Best of luck to you, girl. Stay strong. Keep your chin up and keep manifesting. You’re not alone.

    Naomi Mimi | February 24th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  2. The first thing I would do is call upon Archangel Michael,wrap his wings around me and cradle me for comfort. Surround me with his blue light for protection and with his sword, sever any energy cords that are not of my highest good. Fill my aura with the white light of Source and say,” I love me, I release me, I believe in me. I am Divine Love and so it is.”

    Then I would spend the day doing something creative, fun and healing. Celebrate my new beginning that sometimes starts with good-bye.

    Many blessing to all…

    Venus A Hernandez | February 24th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  3. Cutting the cords to past relationships. Oh. how well I know these words. I have finally cut the cords after a few agonizing years. Why do we as women let this one area of our life, have so much control of our hearts? I have realized since cutting the cords, I have been able to see new doors opening for living a healthier and happier life.

    Penny | February 26th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  4. Hi
    would you like to link blogs through blogs though blog list.
    Love your blog ! keep up the good work !
    love and light
    Gorlestonreiki <3

    gorlestonreiki | March 1st, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  5. Hi Gorleston, and thank you! We’re flattered you find our blog posts helpful and want to link to Gaiam Life. While we appreciate the offer, it is not our policy to link to personal blogs. Best of luck with your ventures!

    the Gaiam Life editorial team

    Gaiam Life | March 2nd, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  6. Hi,
    I thought I had found my soulmate, we both actually thought we had, but then he retracted. He couldn’t see the future coming together per his terms, desires, demands, etc. I was more optimistic that I couldn’t see the immediate solution, but had faith that it all would work out for us. I am so hurt and upset with myself that I believed his promises. I want him to hurt as much as I am and want to make him realize how damaging it is when you let go of something that was so perfect. I just want that blue light of protection from Archangel Michael that was mentioned above to comfort me and take the pain away.

    Renee | March 21st, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  7. Hi Katie -

    Oh my… this reminds me of a couple of men I knew in my 20’s who ‘hung around’ for years, soaking up my good heart energy. Ick!

    Finally, I did wise up, and cut them both off — though it wasn’t easy.

    Katie, I want you to know that when I did end these connections permanently, I felt so much lighter and more open (and I met someone shortly after). I encourage you to follow Arielle’s advice.

    This is a painful situation with no end in sight – the cords and the oxytocin are very real and being ‘just friends’ won’t help you dissolve them.

    This connection, fuelled possibly by guilt also takes up “energetic space” in your heart… which might delay you meeting your true soulmate, who will nurture your heart, not drain it.

    As you decide, you may find this article I wrote on getting over heartbreak helpful.

    Warm wishes,


    Karen M. Black | May 27th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  8. Once the past leaves a big scar it could not cut its cords as easy as that..It has a so-called process to forget all the bad things that happened in your past life. And that is letting him go and moving yourself forward to the present. Just take your self time to heal the wound. Please keep on praying ‘coz God has a wonderful plan for all of us. God Bless!!

    Get Clarity | August 29th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  9. Love your blog ! keep up the good work

    wajid | February 13th, 2012 | Comment Permalink

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