Relationships | pg.2

by Rachel Wallmuller

I consider myself to be pretty independent, taking pride in all that I have because I’ve worked hard for it.

If you asked those closest to me, they would probably tell you I’m a little too headstrong, preferring to do things myself rather than seek help. I never really considered it like this, thinking instead that I am just successfully self-sufficient. However, in the past year or so, I’ve had to soften to the experience of seeking and accepting help. For the first time, I’m learning to lean on others more than makes me comfortable and to rest easy with accepting help.

Thinking that I’ve been doing a good job with this practice, I was shocked to feel genuine discomfort when I had to ask for help from my boyfriend recently. We’re moving in together, and we have a very solid relationship, so you’d think that asking for a little assistance would be a no-brainer…

Dear Arielle & Brian,

Since I read The Soulmate Secret, did the exercises to heal my past relationships and cut the energetic cords to past lovers, four of my old boyfriends and my former husband have called wanting to reconnect with me. What’s up with that?

Thanks for your help,

Cindy

One of the keys to healthy relationships is spoken appreciation. Other kinds of appreciation (such as touch or giving a hand with a chore) are great, too, but spoken appreciation is highly valued and easy to do. We recommend a technique we call verbal valentines, which work wonders in any kind of relationship.

We give each other 10-second verbal valentines all year long. We believe it’s one of the main reasons we’re more in love now than when we met 32 years ago. Verbal valentines are not just for lovers, either.  You can give them at work, to children, to other family members and to cherished friends.

I’m a sucker for love letters and chocolate, so it should come as no surprise that I look forward to Valentine’s Day. Show a little love for your partner and the planet by having an eco-friendly holiday this February 14!

Here are four ways to do it:

At the age of 28, I decided that dating had thoroughly kicked my butt. It seemed as if 99 percent of my friends were engaged or married or having babies; meanwhile, I continued pursuing a breed of man who was never quite able to leave behind his college glory days and blatantly refused to face adulthood. It’s an irresistible combination, I know.

In my early twenties, I had the supernatural ability to hone in on this type of man in the midst of a crowd and can only blame myself for my early dating mishaps. But at some point in my mid-20s, I made a dramatic internal proclamation that I would never seek out this type of man again. But from then on they just came to me. I became the pied piper who attracts the emotionally stunted and unavailable.

The only thing worse than my actual dating history was when I made my friends listen to my tales of woe. This is why, when my friends could take no more, I was finally convinced to give the online dating scene a shot. I had recently undergone an especially rough breakup, to which my sanity, sobriety and eating habits were not responding well, so I figured I had nothing to lose.

by Tania Kazi

There comes a time in life when the old ways begin to peel and shed away.

This happens when you start to notice one too many undesirable patterns recurring in your life. You vow to change things, but the patterns keep reemerging with renewed force. The wise thing to do, one hears, is to step back, take a deep breath and reaffirm your intent to break away from the pattern. To stop doing that which repeatedly gives birth to an environment that accentuates the gray and uncertain hues of life in the core of your existence. This is where courage comes in. Lots of it.

One thing we keep an eye out for is what kind of relationship advice is being dispensed subliminally through sit-coms, dramas, even the news shows. So when a morning show host began an interview with an expert on infidelity the other day, I watched out of the corner of my eye.

Dear Arielle & Brian,

I am 46 years old and unmarried. Last summer, I connected with someone online and we both felt we were soulmates, brought together by divine intervention. Two months later he decided to fly 5,000 miles to come meet me, with an understanding that the meeting was just to see each other at least once and get comfortable.

Upon our meeting, the guy felt there was no chemistry. Because we had so much in common, I was willing to give it a try, but he wasn’t, although he did want to keep in touch and remain friends, which I said no to.

Arielle and Brian, why does this happen? Is it right to give up so much in common for chemistry? Was this guy not really my soulmate? I am confused.

Dear Arielle and Brian,

I was married for 30 years and it was always a difficult relationship. I learned many important life lessons throughout it all — even how to forgive betrayal, though we eventually divorced. For the past seven years I have been enjoying my single life, meeting lots of new friends, traveling, redecorating my home, growing spiritually … but this past summer I found out that my ex, now 59, had been living with a woman 20 years younger than him, and she is having his child. (We have two children together, now ages 27 and 29.) The idea that he had started over with a new family hit me hard and brought up much anger, resentment and feelings that he doesn’t deserve happiness. I know this is selfish and un-Christian of me but this is how I am feeling right now. I am in therapy and I have spiritual direction as well, but how do I get to forgiveness? I really want to manifest a new soulmate!

God bless you!

Abigail

Dear Arielle and Brian,

I’ve made some important changes in my life, especially when it comes to manifesting a soulmate, and I’ve begun to have a positive and proactive attitude. I am noticing how many people in my life, particularly my mother, are having a real issue with my change. Perhaps she is jealous because she has been single for 16 years. Lately, she is very condescending towards me and seems very passive aggressive. Here’s my question: Is it normal when one changes for others have a real issue with it? Is it because they feel threatened? It seems like I never fully realized before the limited thinking, undeserving attitude and pessimism that surrounds me.

Thank you,

Nicole