communication

One of the keys to healthy relationships is spoken appreciation. Other kinds of appreciation (such as touch or giving a hand with a chore) are great, too, but spoken appreciation is highly valued and easy to do. We recommend a technique we call verbal valentines, which work wonders in any kind of relationship.

We all crave connection. We long to love and be loved. Even those of us who have been hurt or abandoned secretly hope that someone will come along to prove to us that love is real and intimacy is achievable. During the holidays we are catapulted into situations where we can see how far we have come or how far we have yet to go regarding relationships. Today I want to share a tool to help you or someone you love transform feelings of isolation by looking at connection as a choice.

“I feel out of sync with my family of origin around the holidays, when I spend more time with them than usual,” wrote one reader recently. “They aren’t interested in honest communication, working on relationships, or other things that are important to me … How can I deal with this in a positive way?

Much of the stress of daily life is caused by incompletion in relationships. There are many stressful aspects of leaving things incomplete, but the most stress occurs around significant emotional communications that are left unfinished. Many of us have people in our lives with whom we have big incompletions on the emotional level:  secrets, debts, unspoken regrets, unexpressed I-love-you’s. This stress often magnifies around the holidays and in-person visits to family members, because of the focus on and expectation of good times, joy and love during those visits. Why not take a few moments right now to make a list of incompletions in your relationship life? Then, give yourself the gift of completing as many as you can.  Most significant incompletions boil down to a minute or two of heartfelt communication. Many of us put off that minute or two for far too long.

When the holidays approach, we receive a lot of requests from people who are experiencing more conflict and stress in their relationships.

If you’re feeling increased pressures around this time of the year, you’re definitely not alone. Along with the possibilities of great joy in this season come other feelings as well. It’s important to remember that all feelings come through the same “faucet” of your awareness, and that the holidays are an ideal time to open yourself to learning from every relationship moment.