Dear Arielle & Brian:

I left my marriage of 17 years almost five years ago. Something I never thought I’d do, but I felt stifled and couldn’t grow in the direction that my soul was calling me to. It was a very difficult breakup that estranged me from my children for quite a while. With a lot of patience and love we reconnected again, but it was an extremely challenging time for all of us. And needless to say, there was a lot of heartbreak ^[1].

I hadn’t dated in years, and I was yearning for love and companionship, but living in a very rural area. I felt pretty hopeless about meeting somebody special ^[2]. Last year, out of the blue, I met this beautiful man in our tiny village. The sparks were flying, and I looked into his eyes and felt like I was home. We had a wonderfully magical and intense romance that lasted for a month (he was in our village for work), then he went back home, hundreds of miles away. He’s a single dad of two little kids and I have children here, so neither one of us is in a position to move to be close to the other. Ultimately, he decided that he did not want to be tied up in a long distance romance. I was crushed. We still talk on the phone and I find myself hanging on to hope that things will change, yet I feel stuck in on an emotional roller coaster.

I am outgoing and attractive and I have an incredibly rich social life, yet I have this yearning and pining for this man that I spent this incredible time with. I believed the stars were aligned when we met and everything felt so right, and now it’s been a rude awakening. I feel like something precious is slipping away…
I’m stuck and I wanted to share this with you, as I really feel I need some guidance here.

Hopefully,

Louisa

Dear Louisa,

First things first, we really have compassion for you that this romantic courtship hasn’t worked out.  But a very thoughtful man, made a very hard decision that involved many people and extremely difficult challenges.  You now have to make that same hard decision.  You have to choose to let him go.  This doesn’t mean that you have to stop loving him, but it does mean that you have to begin managing your thoughts and emotions accordingly.  Especially, when you are thinking about him or obsessing about “what might have been.”  Given the extremely difficult circumstances for the possibility of a healthy, viable relationship ^[3], it seems as though the purpose of your coming together was to heal you and show you that love is possible again.  Accordingly, we would suggest that you create a ritual for yourself.  A way to celebrate and show gratitude for all the gifts you received from being with this man.  And then give yourself as much time as you need to detach completely from him before you begin to think about manifesting new love. This also means giving up the phone relationship for a time until you no longer have romantic feelings for him. When you are ready dive back into The Soulmate Secret ^[4] and do the exercises you feel will open your heart to the possibility of a meaningful relationship ^[5]again.

Please remember (and this is important) that just because you will not be with this man doesn’t mean you can’t find a small place in your heart where he will live with fondness and deep gratitude. After all, this romance re-ignited the flame for the possibility of Big Love and you now know that Big Love can and will flourish in the right circumstances at the opportune time.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle & Brian

SoulmateSecret.com ^[4]

Email your questions about life, love and relationships to Arielle & Brian at soulmatesecret@yahoo.com ^[6].