Best Way to Stop Infidelity

Gay and Katie Hendricks by Gay and Katie Hendricks | January 24th, 2012 | 4 Comments
topic: Relationships

Happy couple

One thing we keep an eye out for is what kind of relationship advice is being dispensed subliminally through sit-coms, dramas, even the news shows. So when a morning show host began an interview with an expert on infidelity the other day, I watched out of the corner of my eye.

The expert began dispensing what, in my opinion, was some of the worst advice I’d ever heard. The expert even advised one woman, “While your husband is in the shower, go through his email and cell phone records to look for possible infidelity.”

But at the end of the interview, the host made a remark so refreshingly useful that it stopped me in my tracks. He said: “The best way to stop infidelity is just to focus on your own integrity. If you do the right thing, you won’t have to worry about what anybody else does.”

I’ve learned the same lesson from working with hundreds of people wrestling with this issue in therapy over the years (watch our video for advice on surviving an affair). But it was very refreshing to have this advice being dispensed through a TV show.


Gay Hendricks

P.S. What messages about relationships do you see being dispensed through the media? Keep on the lookout, and post a comment here if you see something that fascinates you.

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  1. A few weeks ago, I watched a video on about celebrity wives who had been cheated on. The tone (and in fact, actual script) of the video was “If these beautiful, successful women can’t keep their men at home, then what chance do ordinary women have?”. Firstly it implied that they were somehow to blame for their husband’s affair, but more so it implied that if one is just beautiful and successful enough, it can’t happen to you! I was quite shocked by the ignorant and naive message that is being sent out to so many viewers!

    Monica | March 19th, 2008 | Comment Permalink
  2. What bothers me the most is the media makes infidelity look like a love story! Sickening! Like “Bridges of Madison County” PLEASE!! Does no one notice the pain and devastation everyone is in? An affair is NOT a fairytale love story!

    Surviving Infidelity | April 25th, 2011 | Comment Permalink
  3. This makes so much sense… to stop infidelity, focus on yourself. Your own integrity and way of being in the world.

    I’d also add focusing on your own healing — whatever that may look like for you. For every situation you experience is an opportunity to become more of whoyou are.

    The choice of forgiving infidelity is personal, gut-wrenching and complex, and I highly recommend working with professionals like Gay and Katie — there are no easy answers.

    What few talk about, however, and what interests me the most are the spiritual and karmic aspects of unfaithfulness.

    Not only the behaviour of the cheating spouse… but why the spouse (unconsciously) attracted this experience. Call it karmic retribution, energy or whatever you want.

    I’m not being insensitive here — I have learned this the hard way. So from a spiritual and energetic perspective, why did Elin Nordegren choose Tiger? Why did Tea Leoni choose David? Why did Sandra Bullock choose Jesse? And – why did I choose that man that (20 years ago) betrayed me?

    Taking full accountability for every event in our life — especially the painful ones — is not for the faint of heart and it does not condone bad behaviour. What radical accountability does however (in my opinion) is lift us up… into integrity, helping us to ask the deeper questions which reveal the pieces of ourselves that need our love and attention.

    Here’s an article I wrote about this, bringing in the fascinating karmic perspectives of American clairvoyant Edgar Cayce — I hope readers find it helpful!



    Karen M. Black | February 5th, 2012 | Comment Permalink
  4. Making your spouse feel that you understand them will go a long way in moving them towards realizing their mistakes and working towards a reconciliation. | April 1st, 2012 | Comment Permalink

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