Are You Too Picky About People You’ll Date?

Arielle Ford by Arielle Ford | July 12th, 2009 | 1 Comment
topic: Personal Growth, Relationships

Hi Arielle & Brian,

Thanks for your great book!

In my search for my soulmate, I find myself often thinking thoughts like, “Maybe I will never find my soulmate in this life” and/or “Maybe I’m being too picky and I just need to settle for one of the many perfectly nice women I know.” Somehow I know that these sorts of negative, defeated thoughts don’t make finding “The One” any easier, and perhaps are the very thing that keep me from finding her. Yet they keep appearing frequently.

When it happens, a part of me that recognizes that they’re just thoughts. But I do give them emotional energy. As much as I try not to, I find myself thinking that they might be true. Sometimes I think that if I could just surgically remove my “thinker,” I’d find her right away!

Any advice? Know any good thought surgeons?!?!


Dear Brian,

Great question from a guy with a great name!!! We really appreciate your honesty and the thoughtfulness in your question. Please know that most of us at one time or the other could have used a good “thought” surgeon when it comes to dating or finding a soulmate. You’re not alone!! And it’s because we ARE often in our “heads” instead of our “hearts” when it comes to romance. Just look at how many times you mentioned “thinking” or “thoughts” in your question. Try dropping into your heart and trusting your intuition and that inner navigational guide more often. (We suggest doing the “feelingizations” you can find at under Free Stuff.)

You might find that it changes the prism you are looking through as well as the “feelings” you are having for that person or situation. Those negative self-defeating thoughts might slowly evaporate, you might find yourself less “picky,” and the “emotional energy” you describe might feel completely different when you operate from your heart.

There is a beautiful song by Carly Simon that really captures our conversation — some of the lyrics go like this: “What if the stars you’ve been reaching so high for are shining in her eyes.” Carly also goes on to sing that maybe we all just need to “adjust the tuning, try a new translation, take a new picture … just because you don’t see shooting stars doesn’t mean it’s not perfect!!!”

Brian, we don’t know if there is any better advice than that, my friend!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle and Brian

Email your questions about life, love and relationships to Arielle & Brian at



  1. [...] Everything else in my life is great. I just have this deep longing for my soulmate. I often meet men, but I am unwilling to go out on dates just for the sake of going out with someone who doesn’t meet my standards. [...]

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